Monday, November 30, 2009

so maybe it was not so bad.

as one relation fails another prevails ;]

Sunday, November 29, 2009


If only I would have known. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.
If only I had the right accessories, gear, support, coaches.
If only I knew what to do.
If only I was bit taller, bigger, stronger, faster.
If only I jumped higher.
If only I began from when I was little.
If only I had time.
If only I didn't do this or didn't do that.
If only I payed less attention to this.
If only I didn't give so many excuses
I would of been a professional.

It is a hectic world out there when it comes to business. People want their moneys worth.

The first sport I began playing my freshman year was Basketball. I did not know any of the fundamentals, any of the knowledge you needed to become the best. Along my four years I, very slowly, matured and what I wanted became clearer and clearer. I wanted to become better at what I did so each year I become more and more dedicated. More and more determined to become better.

I later joined track & field. I thought all i have to do is run and show up to practice. I did not have the killer mentality quite developed yet. I just wanted to "get faster" for basketball. The dream of becoming the best runner didnt cross my mind until my senior year. I never took running as serious as I did Basketball. Possibly it could have been because I did not have to commit to anyone but myself. In Basketball I had my best friends where I NEEDED to help us win. Running did not come as much of an importance.

I had missed participating in a sport during the fall due to my late enrollment at my school. My sophomore year really would determine my future, drastically. I join football or run cross country. If I join football I would get bigger and stronger but if i run cross country I get stamina and endurance. These sports were revolving around Basketball. WHAT would make me a better player? They somewhat even out. It never crossed my mind that you need to get big in Basketball if you want to play college ball. Its not a requirement but a high recommendation. I ran cross country.

Through my, i guess you can call it, Sports career I never considered running much of a priority until my senior year. I was starting to loose interest in Basketball mainly because of the players. They were not putting in the dedication I was, so i became selfish. Focus on the sport that YOU can benefit from. I decided to try and succeed in running. I kept a log during my whole summer prior to senior year. I logged about 550 miles in approximately 1.75 months. Thats about 275 miles each month, 69.2 miles a week, 9.6 miles a day. I was putting in work. I showed up during my season burning rubber.

I have always been about dedication and effort. If i really want something I work for it. The problem is once I get it, keeping it there. It hasn't really been until now that I feel myself maturing. I am putting in work into what I should of done in High school. What really amazes me is there is only about a 5 month difference in all of it. And I ask myself Why did I not do this back then? Why did I not have that determined mentality..sooner.?


Siempre piensas que ha ti directamente te estoy hablando.
Aunque se parezca como te estoy hablando ha ti, no lo estoy.
Lo que escribo en esta pagina se compara con lo que personas me dicen durante el dia.
No deberias ser tan debil y mas importante no te brinques a las concluciones, porfavor...

I quit.

Fried Chicken
Saturared Fats
High-Sucrose, fructose products
yeah all the good stuff in life.

post scriptum

guess what.

Nice guys do finish last, but like on all lists, at one point, everyone does end up coming up to the last of the list.

Friday, November 27, 2009

My baby made me some coffee
Afraid that if I drink some it's probably coming right back out me
Couple of advil, relax and chill
At a standstill with how bad I feel
I think I need to smell fresh hair
So I stepped out the back door and fell down the stairs
The sunlight hit me dead in the eye
Like it's mad I gave half the day to last night
My bad sight made me trip on my ass right into that patch of grass like that's life
All of a sudden, I realize something
The weather is amazing, even the birds are bumpin
Stood up and took a look and a breath
And there's that bike that I forgot that I possessed
Never really seen exercise as friendly
But I thing something's telling me to ride that slow speed
The brakes are broken, it's alright
The tires got air and the chain seems tight
Hopped on and felt the summertime,
It reminds me of one of them Musab lines like

Sunshine, sunshine, it's fine
I feel it in my skin, warming up my mind,
Sometimes you gotta give in to win,
I love the days when it shines, whoa let it shine

If I could I would keep this feeling in a plastic jar
Bust it out whenever someone's actin hard
Settle down, barbeque in the backyard
The kids get treats and old folks get classic cars
Every day that gets to pass is a success
Every woman looks better in a sun dress
The sunshine's an excuse to shoot hoops, get juice
Show improve their moves and let loose
I hear voices, I see smiles to match em
Good times and you can feel it in the fashion
Even though the heat cooks up the action
The streets still got butterflies
Enough kids to catch 'em
Ridin my bike around these lakes man
Feelin like I finally figured out my escape plan
Take it all and the day started off all wrong
Somehow now that hangover is all gone
Ain't nothing like the sound of the leaves
When the breeze penetrates these southside trees
Leanin' up against one, watchin the vibe
Forgettin' all about the stress, thanking god I'm alive
It's so simple, I had to keep the song simple
When I get home I'm gonna open all the windows
Feelin all right, stopped at a stop sign
A car pulled up, bumpin Fresh Prince's Summertime
I just sit there
And let the thoughts flood
And I remind myself, "It's all right, it's all good, it's all love"
It's not though
Cause there's a kink in the armor
A pot hole I'm sinking in
While I think of the drama
So I stand up
Start to pace in my living room
Set my eye to the highway knowing that I'll play chicken soon
There's a vanity plate with my name on it
There's a Davey Crockett hat with a Masonic fat cat under it
A musket rifle spitting at my feet
They want me to dance in the middle of the street
And I respect my elders, so I do as I'm told
But I offset the bell curve when I do it with soul
Losing control
Guilty feet do have rhythm
They just dance to the wrong theme music to amuse the villain
Instead of killing, I'll spare the raccoon
And start filling sandbags as I stare at the moon and let the thoughts flood
Blessed are those who are dammed
When the levee broke
How many choked on the steps to a slow dance?
A staircase to a hug with no hands
Accountability hung out to dry on the line of command
We let the thoughts flood
We remind ourselves "It's all right, it's all good, it's all love"
It's not though
Cause there's a kink in the armor
A pot hole I'm sinking in
Sharing a drink with my father
It's a family affair
The vanity we share
The waterline is rising
All we do is stand there


Im starting to see why some of the more older crowd doesnt like MySpace!
You can go to a random 14-16 year old girl and see their photos. Its not the fact that you can see the pictures but what the pictures show. Even though some of them are blocked the ones that are open for public are VERY DISTURBING! On top of that there is this new thing where you tag someone elses picture and it shows up on your album. Most of them are body parts that are "owned" by the person who tagged  it. Its getting really annoying, because some of these people are trying to grow up way too quick and are starting to think they are at the same level as people older then them. I swear if my 15 year old cousin was to come up to me and try to say something about stupid to me I'd tell him let me see your friends on my space. And when he's not looking delete his account!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Simple words we never knew,
The power behind what they put us through,
Now it's all begun what it takes to make it real.
We're standing on the edge of this,
When our soul is gone what will we miss?
We lost what it takes to really, make it feel.

But the better day's behind us now,
We all need someone to tell us how
To save the state of where we are,
It keeps demanding more and more and more.

And who will save us?
This can't go on, without the meaning in the rhyming.
Can you save us?
Well I can't go on, out of rhythm with our time.

We hold these truths self evident,
The lies we used to represent
Who we are because it was never meant to be.
And all the songs we used to sing, they used to tell us everything.
All about how it was never meant to be.

Say the words, give it all the time you need.
Let it out, oh just say anything.
Say the words and make them count,
Say them loud without a doubt.
Give us truth and nothing more,
Leave us wanting more and more.

Can you save us?
This can't go on.
Without the meaning in the rhyming.
Can you say? that you'll save us?
Well I can't go on
Out of rhythm with our time.
And can you say?
you say you'll save us?
I can't go on, without the meaning in the rhyming
Can you say, that you'll save us?
Well I can't go on, out of rhythm with our time
We're out of rhythm with our time...


Just another day.

Should be no reason not to give thanks everyday for what you have.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

i passed my 100th blog. whooops

I find it so hard to believe how much my life has changed from 2 months ago to now. How it changed from 4 months ago to those 2 months.

Trying to remember it is difficult. It seemed like a fantasy.

But one of those pictures puts it all together and reminds was real.


In 9 months! = 30 IBS. muscle.

ITS possible!

Don't Become

COMPLACENT with yourself.

You're bound to fail.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Giving Thanks

Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for pushing me.
Thank YOU for opening my eyes.
Thank you for letting me borrow your tripod.
Thank you for feeding me.
Thank you for helping me get through my problems.
Thank you for giving me a piece of your orange.
Thank you for going on my runs with me.
Thank you for making me realize I can do whatever I put my mind to.
Thank you for protecting me.
Thank you for being my team mate.
Thank you for being such good friends.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

What Am I doing?

Im getting to meet people and as interesting and fun as they come Im not interested.
I guess Im tired of it, for now.

I'll just have to get over it the hard way. Meanwhile
Ill focus on my goals.

As ridiculous as they seem they are realistic I ust need to sacrifice some of the things I love to do
and replace them for a while.

Who knows, I might attract different type of individuals then the ones I usually go for.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

It's a great day to...sit and relax

Im taking about two weeks from running. Today was the first day and gosh, I feel great!
Usually I feel good after a run but Im so fatigued that not running at all makes me feel better!
I feel less stressed and more relaxed. woo.

It's almost thanksgiving, perfect time to go on a diet/.. :p

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

moment of truth.

Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don't fear things get severe for everybody everywhere
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil
The situation that I'm facin, is mad amazin
to think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I'm contemplatin in my bedroom pacin
Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racin
Suicide? Nah, I'm not a foolish guy
Don't even feel like drinking, or even gettin high
Cause all that's gonna do really, is accelerate
the anxieties that I wish I could alleviate
But wait, I've been through a whole lot of other shit, before
So I oughta be able, to withstand some more
But I'm sweatin though, my eyes are turnin red and yo
I'm ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind
I put down the knife, and take the bullets out my nine
My only crime, was that I'm too damn kind



before I go to bed I write something in here and feel like I am sending out a message for someone out there to read. When I awake I feel like someone read it and decide to leave another for the next person.

I dont know but I must be getting a little crazy.

Imake it happen.

I started off this school year horribly unorganized. I completely forgot who I am and the way I manage things. I am lucky I have B's this semester in my classes. I barely bought any books, my backpack was my sports bag, I had no folder, binder, agenda, my writing utensils were always misplaced, and worst of all most of my homework was done the day of or right before. It is all my fault for letting things get to me. However, cross country season is over, I will not have to be in a hurry in the morning and I can get all my stuff and organize it.
a to do list.

2. Buy an agenda
3. Label and seperate all my work for my classes
4. Finish paying off my semester
5. Stop staying at school the whole day
6. Work out an hour at least everyday
7. Get back to basketball

All of these are my immediate short term "duties" that I NEED to do. Once that is all done I think my life will get stress free! Because honestly I am not the type that stresses, but for some reason this fall was like running into a wall everytime I tried taking a step forward.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Anyone else couldn't have said it better than Marilyn Monroe..

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust none but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe

I Know what it is.

It's not meant to be! Im not suppose to see rocks falling from the sky that can be considered shooting stars.
It's ok, I wanted to wake up at 4 am and go to the top fo the world to just seee the sky, it's not like I was going to go and see anything else right? I mean there was no meteor shower that was all just people halucinating. I didn't see anything so nobody else did and that is that. I have convinced myself that I did not waste my time going up there. HAHA. Mayb it was because I would have thought that it was a shooting star or something, and might have ended up making some wish that could go wrong like my last one?

Monday, November 16, 2009


hmmm. I wonder if my contax camera can take pictures of tonights meteor shower.

Im going to go up to the top of the world. :D


Whats this feeling i am feeling? oO

Filled with thrill, excitment, joy, curiousity. Why? I really do not know why. Nothing exciting is coming up that has me waiting impatiently. Soccer tournament? Turkey trot? No. I think it's just a matter of healing. It has been roughly about two months now, I should not be hurthing any more right? I mean I tried and fought for it, I know that, you know that, she knows that, everyone knows that. I have no reason to blame myself or keep holding onto anything.

However, there hasn't been a day where I have not thought about it. And not until that day comes where you stop crossing my mind, will I be sure that I am completely over you. But until then, I have to live with that thought.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

For some reason

Im feeling

ha ha hap happ.. happy...(:

I have a confession.

I have a thing for chandelier earrings!

Sobre toda cosa guardada, Guarda tu corazon porque de el emana la vida.

Over every protected thing, Protect your heart because from it will you emanate life.


You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

this is fact not fiction.

A lack of Color.

Tomorrow is not Promised.

I really do not even know what to say or how to put it into words.
I watched 2012 . It was a pretty decent movie but the concept was great.
I really wish I can remember completely what one of the lines was from the movie
but I cant. Everytime now that I go on a run, a walk, or simply just look outside if i look down and see a crack on the floor I will automatically think, What if today was the day? It may be just a movie, but what if today was the day it all ended? Who will you call? Who will you try and create you peace with? Will you forgive everyone that has ever hurt you? Will you run to your loved ones? or will you be selfish and find a way to save yourself? It is a scary thought, mainly because for me I start thinking what about everything I, you, they worked for? What happens after? On the other hand I do not feel as bad, my conscience is clean because one thing i know is tht I do not hold grudges against anyone, so i forgive you all even if you have not done anything...yet.  

"The moment we stop fighting for ourselves, that is when we become INHUMANE"



It was a long one!
No more waking up at 5am!
Now it'll be 6am.

Friday, November 13, 2009


Woo. Thank you thank you!
Final race of the season is tomorrow.
This season was not fun at ALL!
I never quite looked forward to racing or had that
motivation to try my hardest so that
I can try and make a reputation for my school.
I did not feel like suffering for my team mates
and honestly, I didnt feel like encouraging them

Now that it is ending I can focus
and go for what I want. A goal that I set during my summer
but did not fully accomplish.
I will train myself, Im going to gain a bit of "meat"
because frankly, I have reached the point where Im tired
of feeling scrawny. And by meat i dont mean get chunky but simply
get lean and cut. Next year you wont even recognize me.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

One more for today.

I heard a song I wanted to learn to play on the guitar but never could!

And If I could swim...


a very weird person.

I like being alone.
But then I complain about being alone.
Nobody understands me and I dont think anyone ever will.
Im very peculiar.
Very eccentric.


As soon as I can scan

my pictures Im going to put up one picture or two a day and talk about it :D

I wonder

How would I react if someone came up to me and tried taking a swing at me?

I have felt like just getting out of the car and fighting someone lately. As harsh as that sounds. It will have to be someone who looks like a douche. Now Im just being judgmental but its a temporary thing. I guess because I want that thrill of getting into conflict!! ;]

I think my victim is going to have to be Vic when I see him walking. haha

Tuesdays and Thursdays

I dread them sooo much!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

We Were Soldiers

Is Intense!!

Winter winter oh my winter

Just take out the flamboyant dude and put me in that jacket! yeah.

Taylor Hadden

Happy Veterans Day!

even though youre not quite a veteran yet..;]

you will get one of my sexy texts later on :D

Publish Post

I think we need to stop all this gibberish.
Well from the most part the people on my blogs who follow me.
Most of us talk about love love love love. I am a part of that too.
Its kind of depressing because I keep hearing it or reading about it and
all the problems it brings and it just "sadfd sdfh;l'
6734r" that was just me cramping up ah!!
anyways I was saying it is just depressing me even more and making me
want to feel it even less!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hey you.

There is so much more to you and I could not even see it.


Can we have a normal Conversation?

Lets talk about relations
Lets talk about self motivation
Lets talk about how our lives are
Lets talk about how we all have scars
Lets talk about our favorite season
Lets talk about why things happen for a reason
Lets talk about your guy, my girl
Lets talk about how this world is in such a fucked up swirl
Lets talk about our goals in life
Lets talk about how we shoot for that first time high
Lets talk about our addictions
Lets talk about how our stories have become fiction
Lets talk about our what if's 
Lets talk about our last kiss
Lets talk about what we would never talk about
Lets talk about anything
Lets talk about everything
Lets talk about what we never dared
because we were too scared.



Monday, November 9, 2009




Control me to help me escape. Create an Alternative for me so I can delete all these past memories.

late night, early morning.

It's going to be a late night! Early Morning.

Work Work Work.
1 am?
2 am?

Shoootme. - - -  D   

Speak now or forever hold your peace!

Write me a simple letter.

before its too late.

resorting to this

hmm. Everything is set to place, but now it seems like im rushing through life! Im not kidding, I am in a hurry to get through this school year and the days are flying by. I have not stopped and enjoyed ONE second, hour, day of it. All I really know is that there are a few more months to this year, and once it is over...EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT! I am more that positive that I will not be bringing any of these problems along with me.

I can finish school and then transfer out. I can stop worrying about catching up,or any further distractions, I can keep moving as much as it hurts me, I can finally have a year where Ill understand the meaning of feeling renewed.

If I've learned anything I'd have to say "SACK UP!" famous quote from runner Victor Serrano, aha. Im not going to let things get in the way of how my attitude is because i've heard " your attitude determines your latitude, well im high as a mtrfkr and fly as a mtrfkr." I was talking to an ex yesterday and I must say it was relieving. I do not have it as bad as I think with girls, I just really need to not get my hopes up as much. Sooner or later she'll come along, sure of it.

Running running running, it sucks. It really does, having to wake up at 5 in the morning and go run these darn stupid repeats or 40 minute "easy" runs. but you know what, I wont trade it for anything! It keeps me balanced, if it was not for that who knows. Im not the type that stresses much but for some reason these damn few months have really crawled inside my skin. I was planning on training for marathons and using it as an excuse to travel out into other cities, but I think I will get done with school first. Anybody want to be a part of TEAM CASTRO?

The parentals! wooo. A tough pair they are. I mean things have been better, Im not getting scolded as much, maybe because im not boxing myself in as much as I was by staying in my room all day or being away from the house. Even my dogs miss me, I took my fellow Wall-E to Top of The World, my spot, and it was soo relaxing!

If you havent noticed yet, Im just talking about some issues I have had and Im not trying to become all formal about it. Im jsut being my plain self that you would hear talking on any given day. Do not take it to seriously, there is some humor into this mainly because Im not trying to show how effed up my life is when it isn't all that bad. Its just a temporary thing thats in this season.

Friday, November 6, 2009


Im proud to say I am almost over it! It? Her? whatever it is. BUT! i think the only thing keeping me from completely putting it behind me is that I REALLY miss having someone I can talk to and that I can take out! SHOOT! 

Monday, November 2, 2009


One less problem to deal with!
Cant wait for the new year even though it really doesnt mean anything will be new its the mental aspect of it that makes you feel renewed. I know what I want to do with myself but as for now ill wait til i get the chance to start the transfooohhrmashion!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Confessions of an Alcoholic

After seeing everything yesterday! Im never drinking!!! haha

remind me

of what loving life was like?